We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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