Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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