mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
