WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
