oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
