ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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