Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
