my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
