dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
