There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
