if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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