Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
