Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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