I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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