i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize