made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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