what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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