Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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