The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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