He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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