Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
