im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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