There is too much vodka and too much dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
