You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
