can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
