I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
