i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
