Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
