Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
