take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
