update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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