i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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