I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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