Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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