Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
