So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize