apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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