I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
