i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
