you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
