apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
