I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
