ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
