mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize