ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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