So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
