Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
