when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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