You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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