She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
