I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
