The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
