HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
