I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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