sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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