note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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