My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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