??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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