My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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