I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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